"instincts never lie"

life has changed........ things are moving faster, trying my best to keep up with things, nothing seems interesting, lots going on in my mind, things that I went through, though physically living in the present....... 
 
when I look-back and think about all those years of my life.... going through the ups and downs..  the trust I had in relations all seem fake, 'they don't mean anything to me today' ........... has made me the person I am today. 

since my childhood relations meant lot to me, was always eager to meet them, never knew relations could be deceiving.  in the act of kindness were hidden motives, it hurts to know what I once blindly trusted in the name of relations are the ones I avoid most today.

they say 'truth can't be camouflaged for long', jealousy, hatred, ulterior motives eventually show-up like a mirror.

its just that accepting things take time, though our instincts warn us time and again we keep hoping against it.

people are materialistic..... "money matters feelings don't", 
  
"no relation is worth if they cannot respect you for who you are,"

'Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.'

I have been pondering over a issue for some time now..... Men: not about men, but their different attitude and perception for wife...!.

Many a times when ladies talk on personal issues one topic is always common, 'husband'...... his attitude towards his wife.....family and friends.

One common issue: most men treat their wife with disrespect and take her for granted.  They always feel it is wife's duty to do all the house-hold chores no matter what.  It is her duty to take care of the children on weekdays and weekends too, as they are working and require a off on a weekend.  Also she should take care of friends and relatives who visit on weekends/days.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.

The common reasons given by most husbands - since I am working and taking care of expenses it is your duty to do the household chores and take care of the kids.......  whereas .....at the time of marriage the demand is for a well educated, working girl who can share the responsibilities for a beautiful future......?

the common response is:  I work in office,..... true,.......... but don't you have other subordinates to share your work with and don't you ask for appreciation, promotion, increments and holidays? do you offer any of these to your wife?

while men work 9am -5/8 pm, women slog from 5 am to 11/12 pm with no weekends as it starts with breakfast, tiffin and ends with dinner, cleaning and finishing the kitchen work.

once a child is born, the whole responsibility to take care of the house/child/expenses is solely of the women..........  no opinion taken or questions asked?

how about a weekend off for her and some appreciation or acknowledging the burden of work transferred on her and sharing it.  well.... what happened to the sharing of responsibility for a beautiful future ?

They leave their wife to do the household chores  ....... but appreciate the  girls/women who are not/yet in that category or those who have simply walked out asking the helpers (aayas) to take over. 

But when it comes to following the same (helper take over), then the question is of healthy environment and children's upbringing that matters and of-course the expense.
 
"People always think that the most painful thing is losing the one you love in your life.  The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that you are special too."

Today women are well educated and earn handsomely and can take care of children. They earn more or equivalent to men and can do well on their own.  Yet for the sake of children most women give in and tolerate, not because they like it but as they do not wish to break their family or hurt their children.

But the younger girls (today's generation) are smart enough to walk out at the first step and prefer to be on their own.  Most  girls prefer late marriage or prefer to be independent financially, keeping an open option for themselves .


here's a piece of article I read and would like to share:-

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. 
"Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40,........ there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old.

Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?",

here's an update for you. Nowadays 80%of women are against marriage. Why? 

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

Ganpati Bappa Maurya !

 Every year we await Lord Ganesha's arrival, its a festival of happiness and good wishes.  With Lord Ganesha's arrival our festivities for the year begin.  People offer prayers and ask for fulfillment of their wishes. 

He is considered most auspicious, the obstacle remover, without his blessings no task is complete.  

In mumbai one gets to see Ganpati idols in various sizes and poses. Its a feast to see the beautifully decorated idol's with jewellery and garlands in the pandals based on different themes. 


the aarti (prayer) to our lord:.......

Sukhkarta Dukhaharta (Ganesh aarti ).mp4

Sukhkarta dukhharta varta vighnachi I
Nurvi purvi prem kripa jayachi I
Sarvangi sundar uti shendurachi I
Kanthi zalke mal mukta- phalachi II 1 II

Jaya dev jaya dev jaya mangal murti I
Darshanmatre mankamana purti I

Ratnakhachit fara tuj gaurikumra I
Chandanachi uti kumkumkeshara I
Hirejadit mugut Shobhato bara I
Runzunati nupure charni ghagaria II 2 II

Jaya dev jaya dev jaya mangal murti I
Darshanmatre mankamana purti I

Lambodar Pitambar phadi varvandana I
Saral sond vakratunda trinayan I
Das ramacha vat pahe sadana I
Sankti pavave Nirvani Rakshave survarvandana II 3 II

Jaya dev jaya dev jaya mangal murti I
Darshanmatre mankamana purti II Darshan.II

Ghalin lotangan vandin charan || Dolyani pahin rup tujhe ||
Deva Preme alingan anande pujin || Bhave ovaleen mhane nama || 1 ||
Twamev mata cha Pita twamev || Twamev bandhusch sakha twamev ||
Twamev Vidhya dravinam twamev || Twamev sarwam mam dev dev || 2 ||
Kayena vacha manasendriyenva || Buddhayatmna va prakrutiswabhavat ||
Karomi yadhyat sakalam parasmai || Narayanayeti samarpayami || 3 ||
Achyutam keshavam ramnarayanam || krushanadamodaram vasudevam bhaje ||
Shridharam Madhavam gopikavallabham || Janaki nayakam ramchandra bhaje || 4 ||
Hare ram hare ram ram ram hare hare || Hare krishna hare krishna Krishna Krishna
hare hare || Hare ram hare ram ram ram hare hare || Hare krishna hare krishna Krishna
Krishna hare hare || 

Blame game! Why?

Vaccination and Oral Drops:
Today I met 2 ladies who were going door to door asking if there were any kids under 5 yrs, so they could administer 'POLIO drops'. There is rigorous campaigning for vaccinations and Polio drops for better future of our children. Why ?

Are we not responsible for our children's good health, is it not our moral responsibility as Parents to ensure that all vaccinations and Oral drops be administered on time for their safety ?  Yet the govt. has to worry for our children's safety and good health. Why?

Wearing helmet:
As we walk on the roads of Mumbai, Delhi and many other cities in India we find people driving 2 wheelers without helmet, most of the time the helmet is missing or hanging on the sides of the vehicle and worn only when one sees the traffic police.

The govt. issues driving license at age 18, Why?  Should a irresponsible person be given a license."One who doesn't respect his own life how could he respect life of others".

Instead of charging them with a petty fine, why not revoke their driving license and no claim reimbursed in-case of accidents.  May be then we may see the helmets where it rightfully should be.

Drunken Driving:
Just the other day there was an car accident near by, the boy (driving) and his friends were seriously injured as he was driving in a drunken state.  Everyone blamed the driver, "Are others not equally responsible for sitting in a car driven by a person in a drunken state". Why should only one be blamed?  If friends refuse to accompany a person driving in a drunken state, many lives could be saved.

As I see similar things happening around I wonder !  Is our life's safety other peoples or our govt.'s responsibility'?  

'As an individual shouldn't we value our life and take precautions'? then Why?  do we blame others for our negligence.  



 

After thought !

It may sound weird when one reads this but it is a reality :

Do we ever realise how many things we accumulate in our lifetime... hoping to use them some day.  And when we die the people we care have to clear all those things we accumulated...?

My dads death changed my perspective towards life and death, like I said 'journey of Life and Death both are equally important'.

My dad probably knew his end was nearing so he sorted and disposed off most of his things, kept only a handful of things so as not to trouble us.  Some of the papers he meticulously kept was difficult to understand as it was not relevant to us, we are still trying to understand them. Our childhood photos (album) kept in the bunch of papers which we had never seen in the many years, my mom's one saree, her old purse, guess he liked my mom in that saree but her old purse?  These few things surprised us, but no answers?

I miss him, everything reminds me of him and our childhood. The good old days when we visited the beaches, gardens and enjoyed mom's delicious cooking. Probably he too missed that !  Wish he had shared those feelings openly with us.  His conservative way of life never allowed him to speak openly.

The positive side to all this is :-
I have started sorting out my accumulated things. Things we think are important to us may not have the same perspective and importance with time.  Priorities and interests change from generation to generation.  It is not disrespect, but due to different interests it is not easy to understand the interests and dealings of others.  

eg:  Our childhood interests of collecting marbles, posters, sea shells change with time but as we grow up .............We replace them with new interests, don't we?  Then how can it be disrespect when others do it?
 : Or -Certain books may be very valuable to a person who is a Professor, but the same may not be valued by other members of family who are not associated with that subject.
:  Or - Old Crockeries, show peices etc may be seen as junk by few whereas it may be a valuable thing for the household woman.

So if we all give a thought to this, we may have plenty to dispose and lot to donate and we can save the trouble to our loving family members, after us.  If we start now, there may still be plenty of things left to clear for them when our time comes, as the human tendency to posses cannot be overcome easily.

thanks dad for the valuable and unspoken thought........ miss you!

loving my life :)

Life goes on.....

Back to routine... breakfast - lunch - dinner!

Enjoying the heavy rains, the greenery and watching sit-coms.

Planning to start work sometime after monsoon.... 

For now just Living my life as it comes :)

One day at a time, its easy this way.

 

 

 

History repeats.....? ?

Life will never be same again, I will always miss my parents. 

As long as people are around we never realize their worth, we take them for granted, their constant advising becomes a bickering.  Kids want to-be left alone and away from them.

Today as a mother when I tell my son to-be careful, he says 'ma don't worry, I can take care of myself, I have grown up', yet I tell him everyday when he leaves the house as I care for him.

Should we leave our children alone to learn on their own?  What happens when they get in trouble? should they be left alone then too, to learn and understand consequences?

Though the umbilical cord is cut at birth, the emotional bond remains.  No-one teaches how to cut that bond, it is broken brutally by the child when his needs are over from them.

There are no rules to bring up children, parents try their best yet at the end there are complaints. The needs don't end, every child wants the best from their parent till they make it on their own. Then what?

I wonder sometimes is it possible as parents to stop caring for their child?

Will I be able to keep up with the pace or will it end like my dad's fate? 

Two steps ahead and one step back

Trying to move on with life which is difficult, remembering the time spent with my dad.

It was so easy then, I could call him anytime, share with him my problems or ask for a recipe or argue with him when he thought I was being careless.  He was a conservative person, the modern way of life was not easily acceptable to him, specially eating of fast foods or late night-outs.  Hence the differences.

My brother's loved him but keeping with the present fast and modern life and meeting their family's (wife and childrens) demands at times became a tug of war for them. They had to always choose, in the bargain dad always felt left out and lonely.  After my mom he was alone and though independent decided to spent the rest of his life with his 2 sons alternatively.  He tried his best to keep himself busy by reading books, watching TV, spending time with grandchildren or meeting his friends in the evening.

Life is strange... with time situations change and tables turn, there are expectations which one has to live up-to whether capable or not!

When we were small our parents demanded, we live up to their expectations, study well - get good grades, get a job and they were also interested in what type of friends we have or where we go and what we do.  They wanted us to adapt to things as times changed and demanded, always expecting the best from us.

Ofcourse the idea behind it was: We have a bright future and lead a happy, healthy, normal life.  

We grew up as expected, adapting ourselves to the changing times, trying to keep up with the situations life demanded. Enjoyed the fast foods (which though unhealthy is delicious), met friends, watched late night movies.

Only where we all failed was balancing the past while keeping with the present - racing for the future. The pace being too fast the gap increased, lack of communication to try and understand each other while we were changing with times, he was left way behind.  Result: he felt out of place, unimportant and used.

As parents it becomes difficult to compromise with old beliefs and changing values, but as kids we are trained to change and adapt to changing times and life's demands.

With time children expect their parents to understand them, accept their changing attitudes and keep up with their demands and expect their presence in silence. We all love our parents no matter what, its just that we fail to take them along - to go one step back while we walk 2 steps ahead [2-1].

2-1= is just letting them know "they are important to us", taking their opinion on day to day matters, sharing the day spent at work or with friends, makes them feel important and wanted. It will help them understand the changing times and that makes a difference.

At the end its not the money or material things that Parents wants, 'only being wanted by their children' makes the difference.

Anticipating...... that one step ..... as life awaits for history to be repeated.

missing you......dad

Living a healthy and happy life means a lot to us, but last week when my father expired I realised that a peaceful and painless death also means a lot.

My father suffered from Urinary bladder Cancer and after it was removed the Doctor said now he would be free off Cancer.  All of us were happy, finally getting rid of that dreadful disease, little did we know it was going to spread and eat him up from inside in the coming months.

The sudden back pain and other symptoms led to check-up only informing us of his last few days with us.  It was so sudden, we hardly had any time to think, all we could do was give him the possible treatment to ease his pain.  The last 3 days were the most painful one, watching him suffer in pain and breathlessness, awaiting his death.

As he could not express much and probably looking at our helplessness suffered quietly so as not to upset us.  As he lay there in pain I felt helpless and for once wished there were more medications to cure Cancer even at a later stage. Chemo-therapy cannot be taken by all due to age and weakness, and the suffering due to Chemo is terrible. 

Praying god to take him away so he could be free of pain was the most painful thing for me, as Death was the only relief for him. At that time losing him forever didn't matter, watching him suffer silently - the occasional curling-up due to pain was unbearable.

The news of his death early morning by my bro brought some relief, when I saw him lay there with a peaceful expression on his face, for the first time I felt calm and was happy for him.

But today I miss him, and remember all the good times we had from our childhood to this day.  How I wish there was some treatment to ease all the pain and erase all the Cancer that had spread inside him.

I will always miss him........

Freedom ?

As time passes many things change, the basics remain the same only people and the circumstances change.  Like food, clothes, education, school, college, games and few other things.

Like rice, dal, veggies is what we still eat only the methods & few extra ingredients added here and there changed.  The clothes: trousers, shirts, shorts, skirts, salwar kameez, saree etc still exist only cuts/slits here and there have changed.  Education: we still learn A-Z, nos, grammer and few more things.  The schools & colleges are same but have added facilities.

Similarly our parents became grandparents, we parents & our children have taken our place.  The present generation is in such a hurry to attain freedom just so they can get their own way without anyone objecting them.  They don't see the responsibilities and  dangers which are awaiting them.

I too wanted to be independent in my 20s, but just financially and go out with friends for movie or outings once in a while which was objected most of the time. Parents don't think it is necessary to explain the strictness, the taboos or the dangers that lurk which is quiet frustrating.  Every-time the no...no was very irritating then.  But today I can understand, why the no...no

Freedom comes at a cost which no one explains.:

First of all one has to be financially independent, be in a position to pay the rent or buy a flat for self.

then learn to cook, at-least the basic :breakfast..... omelet, sandwich, tea/coffee, etc meals... rice, dal, any vegetable, soups etc.  (kids think ah! no problem we can always eat out, but how long can you survive on outside food or can your pockets afford).  If you spend all your money on outside food, shopping new clothes and outings, you will not have any savings, which means no money for major emergency/sickness.

then learn to clean your room, wash clothes, be prepared to clean your own dishes and most of all get disciplined. (as no one is going to set alarms for you, remind you to take your keys,  pick vegetables and other food stuffs, juices etc on your way back).

then the most important thing ensure to have good company of friends for no one's there to stop you from getting in trouble as the law spares no one.

Whenever any teenager talks about freedom I tell them, try being independent at home first, do your own chores etc etc, only then think of moving out.  

It is easier to stay back, let your family help you with your chores and look out for your safety while you enjoy life and step into adulthood, earning livelihood and saving few for a rainy day.

worring about daily chores, financial problems that slowly creep in, health problems due to smoking, drinking or unhealthy food.  The day to day stress slowly takes its toll on you. Being independent you are directly answerable to the law for your actions?  where is the freedom?

A little objection (no... no) is far better than the Freedom which takes its toll as he or she has to live with all the responsibilities when independent. Is it worth it ?

Would you call that freedom?

an un-slaughtered female child ?

Yesterday I saw Aamir's 'Satyamev Jayate' programme on Star plus. 'female foeticide'  a crime people chose to ignore, which is committed for ages in India by most educated people.  On the pretext of family name a female child is aborted before birth.

For the first time, a well -known personality decided to voice the 'female foeticide' strongly showing the world  'mirror of crimes' committed by them.  I hope at-least a few of them are ashamed of committing this act and the rest, stop and think about it.

It brings back few old memories of my childhood when my grandma, aunts and uncles, mom and dad spoke about always wanting a 'male child' and claiming 'a female child as a curse'.  I remember when I was pregnant, the blessings said 'may you be blessed with a boy'.

I always thought, how could my grandma, aunt, ma and m-i-law say that, when they themselves are females.  Had their mother and family members strongly felt the same and aborted them would they have been there in this world today or our very existence possible ?  People who think of a aborting a girl child should question the existence of their parents and grandparents ?  

Honestly, every man and woman should question their own existence ? 

as it is only because of his/her mother (an un-slaughtered/un-aborted), a female child who escaped the curse and gave birth to them.

reliving moments of life

Life is strange, one doesn't know who, how, when, where or what will happen next.

Many at-times we meet strangers and they leave a lasting impression in our life and when they go we miss them, wonder why they came in our life for we are not the same anymore, those moments spent with them become special.  We try to relive those moments and remember the smallest details, which might have been overlooked then.  Life moves on but it changes you forever.

I came across strangers who changed my perspective towards life, made me realize how important life is and to live and enjoy every moment of it.  Even today the words echo in my mind and the time spent with them are the most precious moments of my life.  Life can never be the same again and I will always miss them.

Similarly these little sparrows thought me lot of things, the six days were completely obsessed by them.  Now whenever I look at the trees and the sky I know they are there somewhere living their life.  I wonder if they will ever pass by my house again and remember me as being part of their life as they are mine ?

my little guests

few days ago I found 2 baby sparrows fallen from the nest outside my house, as they were little ones hopping around , I decided to take care of them.

i kept them near my window so their mother could see them, she would  come and feed them and make sure they were ok.  Sometimes I found her communicating ..... like chirp..chirp, chirp..chirp..chirp.  Every-time it sounded different, as if she was giving instructions, she would sit with food in her mouth on my window sill and chirp something and they would flutter their wings and try to rise up.

Very soon they learnt to fly, first... few inches above and then upto the parapet of the window.  As I was watching them one of them just flew away and later the other one too flew.  

I was happy to see them fly but in those last six days I got attached to them, watching them, making sure they were comfortable, eating enough, guarding them from crows I didn't know how and when they became part of my life.

Today I miss them, look out for them and hope they are flying and exploring their new world and beautiful nature.  They will always be part of my life now, no matter where they are.

2 meaningful songs

How I Love You -Engelbert Humperdinck 

lyrics 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRWhptek7cE

You hold me in your eyes

In your own special way

I wonder how you know

The things I never say

I can't imagine life

Without you by my side

The power of your love

Is all I need tonight

I know there have been times

That I have caused you pain

I'd turn them all around

If I could start again

There's something I must say

I know it's overdue

The sweetest thing I've known

Forever called my own

Begins and ends with you

How I love you

How I love you

The softness of your lips

The color of your hair

The memory of your touch

Remains when you're not there

The echoes of your laughter

When I'm feeling blue

The meaning of my life

It all begins with you

So come into my arms

Lay down by my side

The moon is always there

To keep our love alight

I've reached so very high

For everything that's mine

And at the top is you

I want you for all time

A dream forever new

How I love you

How I love you

The softness of your lips

The color of your hair

The memory of your touch

Remains when you're not there

The echoes of your laughter

When I'm feeling blue

The meaning of my life

It all begins with you

So come into my arms

Lay down by my side

The moon is always there

To keep our love alight

You know me like a book

You've read a thousand times

We know each other's hearts

We read each other's mind

This feeling's always new

How I love you

How I love you

The softness of your lips

The color of your hair

The memory of your touch

Remains when you're not there

The echoes of your laughter

When I'm feeling blue

The meaning of my life

It all begins with you

Je T'aime:Lara Fabian  (french song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gm5S43YC2uo
 

 

D'accord, il existait
D'autres façons de se quitter
Quelques éclats de verre
Auraient peut-être pu nous aider
Dans ce silence amer
J'ai décidé de pardonner
Les erreurs qu'on peut faire
A trop s'aimer

D'accord, la petite fille
En moi souvent te réclamait
Presque comme une mère
Tu me bordais, me protégeais
Je t'ai volé ce sang
Qu'on aurait pas dû partager
A bout de mots, de rêves
Je vais crier

Je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un fou, comme un soldat
Comme une star de cinéma
Je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un loup, comme un roi
Comme un homme que je ne suis pas
Tu vois, je t'aime comme ça

D'accord je t'ai confié
Tous mes sourires, tous mes secrets
Même ceux dont seul un frère
Est le gardien inavoué
Dans cette maison de pierre
Satan nous regardait danser
J'ai tant voulu la guerre
De corps qui se faisaient la paix

Je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un fou, comme un soldat
Comme une star de cinéma
Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime
Comme un loup, comme un roi
Comme un homme que je ne suis pas
Tu vois, je t'aime comme ça

Tu vois, je t'aime comme ça

[I love you :Je t'aime]
English  meaning of the french song

Agreed, there were
Other ways of parting
A few splinters of glass
Might perhaps have helped us
In this bitter silence
I decided to forgive
The mistakes we can make
When loving each other too much

Agreed, the little girl
In me often called for you
Almost like a mother
You tucked me in, protected me
I stole from you this blood
That shouldn’t have been shared
At the end of my words, of my dreams
I am going to shout

(Chorus)
I love you, I love you
Like a lunatic, like a soldier
Like a movie star
I love you, I love you
Like a wolf, like a king
Like a man which I am not
You see, that’s how I love you

Agreed, I confided in you
All my smiles, all my secrets
Even those only a brother
Is the undisclosed guardian
In this house of stone
Satan watched us dancing
I so much wanted war
Of bodies that made peace with each other