History repeats.....? ?

Life will never be same again, I will always miss my parents. 

As long as people are around we never realize their worth, we take them for granted, their constant advising becomes a bickering.  Kids want to-be left alone and away from them.

Today as a mother when I tell my son to-be careful, he says 'ma don't worry, I can take care of myself, I have grown up', yet I tell him everyday when he leaves the house as I care for him.

Should we leave our children alone to learn on their own?  What happens when they get in trouble? should they be left alone then too, to learn and understand consequences?

Though the umbilical cord is cut at birth, the emotional bond remains.  No-one teaches how to cut that bond, it is broken brutally by the child when his needs are over from them.

There are no rules to bring up children, parents try their best yet at the end there are complaints. The needs don't end, every child wants the best from their parent till they make it on their own. Then what?

I wonder sometimes is it possible as parents to stop caring for their child?

Will I be able to keep up with the pace or will it end like my dad's fate? 

Two steps ahead and one step back

Trying to move on with life which is difficult, remembering the time spent with my dad.

It was so easy then, I could call him anytime, share with him my problems or ask for a recipe or argue with him when he thought I was being careless.  He was a conservative person, the modern way of life was not easily acceptable to him, specially eating of fast foods or late night-outs.  Hence the differences.

My brother's loved him but keeping with the present fast and modern life and meeting their family's (wife and childrens) demands at times became a tug of war for them. They had to always choose, in the bargain dad always felt left out and lonely.  After my mom he was alone and though independent decided to spent the rest of his life with his 2 sons alternatively.  He tried his best to keep himself busy by reading books, watching TV, spending time with grandchildren or meeting his friends in the evening.

Life is strange... with time situations change and tables turn, there are expectations which one has to live up-to whether capable or not!

When we were small our parents demanded, we live up to their expectations, study well - get good grades, get a job and they were also interested in what type of friends we have or where we go and what we do.  They wanted us to adapt to things as times changed and demanded, always expecting the best from us.

Ofcourse the idea behind it was: We have a bright future and lead a happy, healthy, normal life.  

We grew up as expected, adapting ourselves to the changing times, trying to keep up with the situations life demanded. Enjoyed the fast foods (which though unhealthy is delicious), met friends, watched late night movies.

Only where we all failed was balancing the past while keeping with the present - racing for the future. The pace being too fast the gap increased, lack of communication to try and understand each other while we were changing with times, he was left way behind.  Result: he felt out of place, unimportant and used.

As parents it becomes difficult to compromise with old beliefs and changing values, but as kids we are trained to change and adapt to changing times and life's demands.

With time children expect their parents to understand them, accept their changing attitudes and keep up with their demands and expect their presence in silence. We all love our parents no matter what, its just that we fail to take them along - to go one step back while we walk 2 steps ahead [2-1].

2-1= is just letting them know "they are important to us", taking their opinion on day to day matters, sharing the day spent at work or with friends, makes them feel important and wanted. It will help them understand the changing times and that makes a difference.

At the end its not the money or material things that Parents wants, 'only being wanted by their children' makes the difference.

Anticipating...... that one step ..... as life awaits for history to be repeated.

missing you......dad

Living a healthy and happy life means a lot to us, but last week when my father expired I realised that a peaceful and painless death also means a lot.

My father suffered from Urinary bladder Cancer and after it was removed the Doctor said now he would be free off Cancer.  All of us were happy, finally getting rid of that dreadful disease, little did we know it was going to spread and eat him up from inside in the coming months.

The sudden back pain and other symptoms led to check-up only informing us of his last few days with us.  It was so sudden, we hardly had any time to think, all we could do was give him the possible treatment to ease his pain.  The last 3 days were the most painful one, watching him suffer in pain and breathlessness, awaiting his death.

As he could not express much and probably looking at our helplessness suffered quietly so as not to upset us.  As he lay there in pain I felt helpless and for once wished there were more medications to cure Cancer even at a later stage. Chemo-therapy cannot be taken by all due to age and weakness, and the suffering due to Chemo is terrible. 

Praying god to take him away so he could be free of pain was the most painful thing for me, as Death was the only relief for him. At that time losing him forever didn't matter, watching him suffer silently - the occasional curling-up due to pain was unbearable.

The news of his death early morning by my bro brought some relief, when I saw him lay there with a peaceful expression on his face, for the first time I felt calm and was happy for him.

But today I miss him, and remember all the good times we had from our childhood to this day.  How I wish there was some treatment to ease all the pain and erase all the Cancer that had spread inside him.

I will always miss him........